Growing up, I always knew I wanted to get married and become a mom.  I never questioned that.  I always wanted to have two kids, a boy, and a girl.  I guess you can say that I’m getting everything I always wanted.  As my due date approaches and I get closer and closer to becoming a mom of 2 I’m having all kinds of emotions about it.  I’m so excited because I can’t believe I’m going to have a baby in my arms soon, but I’m also nervous and scared about adding on another child to our family.

I’ve definitely enjoyed my one-on-one time with Jack over the years.  Jack has been such a joy, but also a challenge.  I had a much different view on what parenting would look like for me before he was born.  I spent my entire career working with little kids under the age of 5.  My degree is in child development and after successfully running many organized early childhood classrooms, I thought that parenting would come so easily for me.  I thought it would be a piece of cake.  I was so wrong.

The day Jack was born I realized that I was a typical first-time mom.  I asked the nurses and doctors a million questions during our hospital stay and I was terrified to take him home.  Having a baby of my own was nothing like having a classroom of 8 babies who weren’t my children.  I had ideas of schedules and routines that I would do with my new baby when we were home, but my baby fought me on all of them.  Even as a little baby, Jack was just as stubborn.  He wasn’t a colicky baby or anything like that, however, he was fussy and demanding even at a young age.  He was always frustrated that he couldn’t do things on his own.  He wasn’t very content and he was always ready to move onto the next stage.   He also didn’t want to eat or sleep on any kind of schedule.   I tried every suggestion that came my way and read all sorts of books and articles to figure out how to get my baby to sleep through the night or eat on a schedule, but nothing worked.  Jack just always had his own agenda.

Despite his sleeping issues and demanding stubborn ways, Jack has always been such a smart kid.  He’s been so much fun to be around and watch him grow.  I’ve really enjoyed all the mommy and me days we’ve spent together.  Going on walks, or to the park, or even our grocery shopping trips, they are always an adventure.  Now that he’s about to become a big brother I’m trying to soak in all the one-on-one time that we have left together.  I know that adding another baby on isn’t going to be easy.  I’m going to be tired and he’s going to still want my attention.  I sometimes worry that I won’t be able to handle it all.

This pregnancy has not been easy on me, especially this last trimester.  I’m much more uncomfortable, I’m older, I have a little one to take care of and on top of it all, there has been a pandemic going on and I’ve been quarantined with my family for months.  It’s been very physically and mentally draining for me.  Giving birth will be a relief at this point, yet I’m still nervous about the transition.  How will I balance the 2 kids?  Initially I thought I’d have a mix of my mom and mother-in-law around this summer to help me out in the first couple weeks.  I also thought that Jack would be in school full-time over the summer, so I thought I would have lots of bonding time with the new baby during the day and I could focus my attention on Jack when he was home from school.  Unfortunately that may not be happening, so yes, I’m nervous about having 2 kids.

I’ve been doing my best to try to prepare Jack for a new baby.  I started early on talking about him having a sibling.  I showed him pictures of my belly with him in it and so when we told him I was having a baby he was excited.  I’ve tried to include him as much as I can.  The day we found out we were having a girl happened to be on Jack’s birthday, so I put pink frosting in the middle of his birthday cake.  He loved that.  Since he’s been home with me, he’s been playing with his stuffed animals a lot and pretending that they are his babies.  It’s so cute to watch him dress them into his old baby clothes or pretend to give them a bath.  We’ve also read a lot of books about becoming a big brother.  I’m hoping that it all works and helps him ease into the roll smoothly.

All I can say at this point is that parenting is a roller coaster of emotions.  Some days you feel like you have it all down and then other days you feel like the biggest failure.  I’ve learned that nothing will ever be perfect or go as planned and that’s okay.  Adding another child to complete our family is such a blessing, so no matter what happens I know it’s all worth it.  I know I will find my way.

Are you a mom of more than one child?  How did you feel when you added on your second child?